As promised, I will tackle the question every homeschooling parent (at some point in their teaching endeavors) is asked: “How do you socialize your children when you homeschool?”
Of all the questions we deal with, this one seems the most heavily debated. Why is that? Is it because we lock our children away from society and pray they never watch any television or speak to any other human being outside our four walls? Forget about friends; they aren’t allowed to have any of those!
I'm kidding, obviously, but strangely enough, these assumptions are quite common.
Contrary to popular belief, most homeschoolers are extremely social individuals. (Side note: Notice I said most. I can only speak for my family and those I encounter. Those who show up in the news should not be viewed as "normal." That would be like someone saying all public school children are exactly like the ones who show up in the news due to school invasions. This is not an acceptable stereotype for either the public or homeschooler.)
Socialization defined: to learn societal norms. Do I need to send my children to public school for them to learn societal norms? No, I don't. My children learn them in their sports programs, at church, co-ops (classes offered by other homeschooling parents), drama, choir, clubs (Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, AWANA, Destination Imagination, 4-H, etc.) and many other activities.
Learning a social norm means your children are deciding how to behave as an individual and part of a team. You can learn these skills through a variety of ways, not just public school. And honestly, I believe some of the societal norms children are learning in public school are not norms at all, but more like bad habits. For instance, I don’t think disrespecting teachers, parents, and other children should be considered normal in any situation, yet it’s sometimes measured as a societal norm.
I have heard the rebuttal, “Well okay, your children are socialized. But I saw some homeschooled kids the other day in the mall who were shy and didn’t want to talk to the cashier. What about them?” To that I say, are there really no shy children in public school? I am pretty sure when I was in public school, eons ago, there were shy children. Do we pull these children out of their mainstream classes and force them to be more social, or do we accept them for who they are?
Another rebuttal: “But why are your children so different?” Hmm, different how? “Well, they listen to you and don’t talk back.” I get this question A LOT, and it's often asked as if it’s a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, my kids can be real boogers sometimes, but they know how to behave when we are at the library, a museum, or a place of business. Am I supposed to assume from this question that this is a bad thing? That somehow because my child is not “socialized in the usual format” they are acting in the wrong way? While they make act differently than some of the public schooled kids, they certainly shouldn’t be chastised for respecting their elders and their parents.
Socialization is allowing your children to learn to behave properly in society. When we go to a restaurant, I have my kids order for themselves. When they have money to use, they stand in line behind me (sometimes in a different checkout stand!) and purchase their items on their own. When they want to meet a new friend in the neighborhood, they walk right up to the door and knock, asking the child to play. When they dislike how someone is treating their friends, they speak up and ask the person to stop. When they are playing team sports, they see children struggle and make a point to encourage them, showing them it’s okay to not be the best player. If this isn’t part of the socialization process, I am not sure what is or how to answer the question.
No two homeschool families or children are alike, which means everyone has a different take on how they socialize their children. This is just one parent’s take, but I can almost guarantee homeschooling parents around the world can identify with some part of this article.
Socialization is much more than merely mingling with kids, of which homeschoolers get plenty in their daily lives. Some weeks are crammed so full of activities it feels we have done school 23 out of the 24 hours in our day. Finding a homeschooling group in my area was my first priority when I came to Denver, joining one even before I packed the U-Haul truck. With this valuable resource, I never have to worry about my children and their “socialization."
All I have to worry about now is picking and scheduling from the hundreds of monthly activities available to participate in and figuring out how to get my 10 year old to stop chatting with everyone when it’s time to go.
I’ll take that set of worries any day.
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More articles by this author
Why I Started Homeschooling
Homeschool Burnout
What is a Homeschool Co-op?
