Well, it’s happened. My oldest is now in half-day kindergarten.
I remember back six years ago when this tiny 6 pound 13 ounces baby boy was born, and I fell in love with him instantly. I never wanted to leave him and wanted to hold him close to me always. Being a stay at home mom has afforded me that luxury. I have basically been with him everyday, every hour for his whole life. That is, up until a few weeks ago.
The first day of school came, and I was assuming he would miss me. Boy was I ever surprised when we pulled up to school, I turned off the car, and he said, “You’re not going in with me are you?” I said, “Yes, of course I am!” He said, “MOM!” and rolled his eyes a bit, then continued to say, “Well, I don’t want you to walk me ALL the way to my classroom.”
I was crushed. Wouldn’t he miss me? Wasn’t he scared to leave me? Where were the tears? I had earned this day, too, you know. I told him that since it was the first day of school I would walk him to his classroom, but after that I would not. He agreed. He did not hug me when I left, he just ran in and started playing with his classmates. I am proud to admit that I did not cry, I did not make him feel bad about it, I just took pride in the fact that I had raised a little boy who was so sure in himself that he can walk to his classroom all by himself, even on the first day of school.
As a stay at home mom, we think our children will always need us, but that does not mean they will always want us right there by their side. It’s okay to step back into the shadows and watch from afar, sometimes.
I realize now how spoiled I have been the past six years. I have always known I am extremely lucky and blessed to be able to stay at home with my children, and to want to do this job. It’s not easy! For those of you who think we just sit around all day, eat bonbons, watch television and relax, you are wrong. I will admit, things are a bit more laid back, but that does not mean the job isn’t exhausting or difficult at times. But, oh my, what a wonderful blessing.
I now know more than ever that this is where I am supposed to be. Here at home, with my children. And honestly, I wish I could go back a few years and enjoy them all over again, because I will never get that time back.
My four year old also started preschool the same day my six year old started kindergarten. He also ran into the classroom and started playing without saying goodbye. I have to look at the bright side and realize that my kids have very high self-confidence, and that is a beautiful and wonderful thing!
And I am happy to report that both of my boys give me hugs, kisses, kissing hands and say ‘I love you’ when I drop them off at school now. It’s been a big adjustment for us. We have been able to make up our own routine for the past six years, now we’re on someone else’s schedule. It is all worth it though.
I’m not sure what my future holds as far as staying at home. I might only be doing this until my youngest starts school, I might have more children, I might go back to work soon, but whatever is in my future, I can say that I do not regret staying home.
Not one single day.
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