I think I have mentioned before that I am an Early Childhood Education major. I taught preschool and kindergarten before having my children. I know the importance of those first few years: how eager children are to learn and how they are like little sponges ready for water.

With my first son, Aidan, I worked with him constantly. I would count, sing ABC’s, talk about everything, tell him what everything was, etc. Aidan could identify all his ABC’s, numbers from 1 to 10, and talk in complete sentences by 18 months.

Fast forward to my second son Owen, and it seemed I’d gotten lazy. How sad I was the day I realized Owen was 2 and didn’t know ANY of his ABC’s. Sure, he could sing the song, but he didn’t recognize any of the letters. But at some point in the midst of being a full-time mom of two, I’d forgotten how to take care of myself. I was a parent and a teacher 24/7, and I couldn’t remember who I was. That’s when I decided I needed to actually talk to other adults and start focusing more on myself than my children. That’s why Owen’s learning took a backseat for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I did not ignore my children, I just wasn’t always “educating” them the way I imagined I would.

I realized, early on in Owen’s life, that I needed to get myself back in order before I could really give myself to my boys. As parents, sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first, before we can even think about taking care of our children. So, that is where I found myself not so long ago. Desperately needing to find myself back and not knowing how to cope with 2 young children at home.

In a previous blog, I wrote about my depression during this tough time. But with prayer, guidance, and love from family and friends (old and new), I came out of that depression and began to become myself once again. Aidan started preschool at our church and he flourished!

Fast-forward 2 years, and I find myself with a 5 and 3 year old back at home again. Aidan (and Owen actually) both have late summer birthdays. My husband and I made the tough decision to wait a year before sending them to kindergarten, meaning they will be 6 when they start. Instead of putting Aidan back into the same preschool, doing the same things over again, I decided to have preschool at home. I can’t believe this thought never occurred to me before. My mind must’ve literally been lost because it seems obvious that this is what I should’ve been doing all along.

In the end, I decided to have preschool at home with both the boys. I talked it over with them, and they were excited to start planning. We have reading everyday, and we’ve started learning about science, history and math. Owen can now spell his name, recognize the letters, and write an O! I am so proud of him. Aidan loves learning about science (he says he will be an engineer and astronaut when he grows up) and is constantly asking for more science experiments.

The old me would’ve been freaked out about having both boys at home again everyday. Having Aidan at preschool helped me cope with my depression. But the new me sees what a gift I have been given. I will never get these years back with my boys. I’ve been given a second chance to help them learn and watch them grow before they both go to school (Aidan to kindergarten and Owen to preschool) next year.

What a blessing I’ve been given. My plan is to not take advantage of it, and be the mom I always wanted to be!

Jillian Van Leer Jillian is 29 years old and is the mother of two boys: Aidan, who is 5 years old, and Owen who is 3 years old. Jillian couldn't wait for the day she became a mother, and now she's living her dream as a stay-at-home-mom. Read More >>