Children and teens often have conflicting emotions. Managing their emotions may overwhelm them. Temper tantrums, bad moods, slammed doors and arguments can result. It is helpful to teach kids to recognize and voice their feelings in appropriate ways. One of those ways is to introduce them to the sophisticated notion of experiencing two feelings at the same time.
Children feel relieved when they understand that they can have contradictory emotions. We can help children by reflecting and naming the feelings they are experiencing. Not only does it reduce negative behavior, but it allows children to think independently, fosters resilience, and improves their problem-solving skills. It broadens their knowledge of emotions and increases their vocabulary of feeling words. This helps them become aware of their feelings and the feelings of others, an important skill that develops and expands on their ability to empathize. This is one of the vital characteristic traits found in emotionally intelligent people.
Here are some typical scripts you can use to introduce your children and teens to the concept of TWO FEELINGS:
NEW SIBLINGS
Younger Children:
"You might have 2 feelings about the new baby. Sometimes you will be happy to have a new baby in the house. It can be fun and exciting. Sometimes it will be very busy and overwhelming. If you get sad just let me know. Say, 'Daddy I need attention.'"
Older Children:
"New babies can be exciting and fun. They can also be a lot of work. Just make sure to let me know when you need a break."
TROUBLE WITH FRIENDS
Younger Children:
"You seem sad because you can’t play with Sara, and mad at her because she wouldn't come over."
Older Children:
"You sound pretty angry at Sara because she told someone your secret. It can also make you feel sad and betrayed when things like that happen with your friends."
PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL
Younger Children:
"When a teacher yells at you, it can hurt your feelings and make you embarrassed at the same time."
Older Children:
"Your teacher yelled at you in front of everyone. That can be so embarrassing and hurtful. You probably didn’t even know how to react!"
Children are grateful when someone names and gives order to the confusing feelings of their inner world. They feel validated and have more confidence to manage their emotions. Acknowledging your children's feelings increases your child's emotional intelligence and helps build positive communication patterns and creates a warm and calm family environment.
To learn more effective communication skills, take the teleclass based on the award-winning book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. For more information or to register for the class, visit www.ParentingSimply.com For more information on how to talk to your children about their feelings, join us for our "How To Talk" Workshop.
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